Lara's Story of self-love, boundaries and mothering teenage daughters
I have always struggled with the issue of not being good enough and not being loved if I do not do what others expect from me. I always tried to please others first and thought for a long time that this was a good way to be a good person. Realizing that I had a couple of relationships where I was not seen and was not loved for who I am was painful.
In my youth, I had issues with anorexia and depression and when I realized, that my themes came back to me in the form of two daughters suffering one with anorexia and the second with depression I felt that it was time to look closer and start changing things.
By chance I met Ornela again - we had met each other years before in completely different circumstances. We started talking and after she told me what she was doing I only needed a couple of days to get the feeling that we had met for a reason and that it was the right time for me to work with myself again.
I tried psychotherapy a couple of times in the past, so that topic was not new for me. Also, I sought help by talking to a coach who worked with my inner child.
My main issue was that I wanted to become independent from others, stop everyone thinking that they were allowed to judge my life and tell me what I had to do, and be happy by myself without trying to please everyone.
As a preparation, I had answered a lot of questions for her intake process, which was a good thing to start working on my issues. It was easy to be open and share as much information as possible.
Before the first session, I was nervous, not knowing what to expect.
We talked and talked and I went deeper and deeper into myself, being able to see myself at different stages of my life. It was intense and I cried a lot.
In that first session, I made a huge statement: I AM Love, I am shining and people can be happy to have me in their lives. That has become my way of seeing myself, no matter what others see or think.
That same evening I went to town. First of all, I was able to go over a new bridge - there had been a big construction on my road for years and that day the new bridge was open for the first time.
For me, it was a sign! New ways! Not smooth yet, but getting easier.
Walking through my city was fun, people reacted to me with smiles, I got compliments from strangers who told me that I was shining. What a great feeling! I was seeing my surroundings in new ways and people saw me in a different light
My recording came a few days later and I enjoyed every single word and listened to it at least once a day for a month or longer. Not every day after the first session was easy, but it was so good to feel and realize everything that was going on.
The second and third sessions were also very deep. In every session I felt comfortable and warm, I saw myself and I loved Ornela's patience and her ability to see my needs.
I became myself more and more, distancing myself from people and things that I realized were not good for me.
Some people reacted with disappointment to my changes and told me that I was not the same anymore, that I was is too much „me“ now. Yes, that is true and I know that they were only afraid of losing control of me.
They lost control, and now I am becoming a better and better version of myself.
My changes became very emotional when my daughters reacted to my change. They were so proud of me for doing something for me, taking care of myself, trying to stay by myself and my needs, and seeing myself as a wonderful woman who can handle everything.
They gave me a great present for Christmas - a hoody with „Love“ on it - I only cried of happiness.
Nowadays, I still listen to my recordings whenever I feel that life is getting too heavy, when I need motivation when I need to go back to myself.
My relationships have reached a new point because I feel on the same level, I do not feel the need to be liked, and I know that sometimes a bad reaction is nothing more than the other party being unhappy with themselves - which is not my problem.
Also with my daughters, I see them as beautiful young women inside and out and my big goal is to make them confident about themselves and know that every feeling is there to be felt. And that all of us can do hard things.
My journey is still going on and there are a lot of things to be looked at. It is great being able to see myself in a new way.
I highly recommend Ornela and her work, because I have never experienced something as deep and as healing before. Her patience, her voice, her attitude - it all made me feel good about myself.
Lara (50), mother, consultant, Germany