Daleen's Recovery from Traumatic Loss of Her Mother
Follow up the day after the session:
Thank you from the deepest regions of my heart for your gentleness, kindness, understanding and loving guidance leading me out of my severe torment surrounding the circumstances of my mother's death. I have been grieving so profoundly for the last 3 years the loss of my mother and more so the circumstances surrounding her death. I found it incredibly difficult to accept the events which in my eyes bypassed honoring and respecting her life and dying process. These 3 years, I've been tortured trying to understand why despite my protestation and efforts to prevent certain actions, the events unfolded the way they did. Two years into my pain and grief, I realised that even if I was given any explanation, I still wouldn't be able to understand because to me, life and the dying process is so sacred, so precious, and such a grand gift from the Divine Creative Intelligence. It's been torturous for my mental health, my emotional health, my physical health and my spirit to live with this knowledge.
Eight months after my mother's passing, I needed to see a therapist, because I couldn't function normally in my daily life. My sleep and waking thoughts were filled with so much rage, disgust and an overwhelming desire for vengeance. It was hurting my heart - I was so heartbroken and my mind seemed to cave in under the pressure of it all. I was so so sad, so deeply hurt, so torn, so alone because this is not something that people can easily sit with and hear, so I suffered alone for so long because I didn't even know how to articulate my emotional pain and the shock in the core of my being - in my soul. I entered talk therapy 8 months after my mother's passing, and it was good for some time. I needed to talk. I needed someone to hear me. I needed to express my confusion, my pain, my rage and once these needs were satisfied, I realised that I needed to accept what had happened. I needed to accept that I had done everything in my power and yet, I wasn't able to affect the developments. My heart really wanted that - accepting the situation as it was, and forgiving myself for not being able to stop it.
Talk therapy didn't, probably couldn't, satisfy my need for acceptance and my need to create coherence between my heart and my mind. Constantly talking about the circumstances and my feelings regarding it, was just a circular journey burning deeper and deeper fissures of pain in my brain and shattering into tinier pieces the already shattered shards of my heart space.
I was in this space and time, when I found you. From our first discovery call, I realised that RTT and you, specifically, was what my heart needed. In our session yesterday, I made seismic shifts towards healing, acceptance and coherence. You helped me to explore and navigate the contours of my pain, helped me to see my patterns I had developed for coping with grief, and fear and pain and powerlessness to stop actions abhorrent to me and that threatens my peace and sense of what is right in regard to how we interact as human beings. Your calm, soothing and expert guidance made me feel safe to explore the fears that trapped my inner child, to reach within myself to bring her to the safe port I have created for us, for me. Your expertise and empathy soothed the pains locked within my experience and gave me the space to exercise my courage to rescue my younger self, and my older self locked in grief and to bring these parts of myself into my heart so that we could heal together and lovingly stitch together the broken pieces of my beautiful heart and my gorgeous and generously indestructible spirit. I want to thank you so sincerely, for helping me to reach inward and to recognise and exercise my ability to be the healer of my own mind and the doctor of my own soul. Thank you for holding the space for me, to call myself back into my own healing.
Today, I awoke, with a great joy I have not known since my mother died. I don't think I have known this joy of being home, safe within myself, secure in my truth and accepting all that I have experienced, truly as my teachers, my lessons, my scars. I have joy, because I am breathing and alive and because I have again, a new opportunity to create vitality and health in my body since there is coherence in my heart and between my heart and my body. There is ease in my body because I have accepted the circumstances surrounding my mother's death. Since I accepted, it is now a part of me. It's a part of me that is not threatening my peace, my love, and my joy. As I told you, not all of the pain is gone from my heart - this was not my goal. My goal was acceptance. I want the bit of pain that is lingering, to remain in my heart a bit longer, because I want to pay attention to it, I want to hear it's whisperings and I want to learn from it, because my pain is teaching me how to heal and how to live my purpose. I thank you for the tremendous gift you gave me, you shone the light for a path to my own healing.
You are a gifted therapist and I am really glad I found you. RTT is an amazing modality for healing. I achieved with you in one session, what I was unable to do in 18 months of weekly talk therapy. This morning, on an earlier Zoom call, my acquaintances actually mentioned that they enjoyed seeing me so happy and vibrant! This made me smile. My inner joy is reflected outward too! Thank you, Ornela, thank you!
Follow-up after 5 weeks: I listened to my recording everyday, sometimes twice a day, for 28 days straight and now I still listen to it, just to hear your soothing voice and to give myself a boost. Since our session, I have not cried at all when thinking about that traumatic event that triggered all that pain. That's incredible for me, because I had been crying everyday for 3 years because of it and the sadness was so overwhelming preventing me from moving forward, despite my regular talk therapy sessions. Now, the way I think about it is so completely different and it no longer haunts my dreams and waking hours. I feel free to think about and love my mother unfettered by the pain of the circumstances of her death. It is such a liberating and empowering situation I am now in. I am no longer weighed down by memories of the pain. I can't describe to you what an incredible gift you gave me to free myself from that trauma, and in just one session!
Since we last spoke, not only am I feeling happier and freer, but other people notice this change in me too. I have started a business! Something I have wanted to do for such a long time, but just couldn't move forward on - and the words that ring in my head everyday is from your recording - the words "you are fearless and powerful... you take your place in the world and you claim your space in the world...with so much love". I am truly shaping my life the way I want it to be. I am so happy our paths crossed because you helped me unlock the pain, transform it into something I can use to free myself and live my life unapologetically with love and be free to serve humanity. I am doing that now and I am just at the beginning and looking forward to what more I will be doing in the world serving humanity!
Thank you Ornela! You are an amazing and gifted therapist. I wish you all the happiness and fulfillment you wish for yourself.
Daleen (49), Riyadh, KSA, University Lecturer